Monday, March 18, 2013

Two Years Ago

Two years ago I was in surgery having my left kidney removed because of cancer.  When I got out of surgery my Urologist was very concerned about how bad the lymph nodes looked.  I was scared, I had no idea what to expect and honestly I thought I might die.  News was good on the lymph nodes, what a blessing!!   I was 50 years old and stupid enough to believe that cancer didn't run in my family so I probably wouldn't have to worry about that.  In fact I had lost 110 pounds and was in the best shape and health of my life.  Cancer knocked the wind out of me.

The year following my kidney removal, I had cancerous tumors in my bladder with every 3 month check up and surgery to remove those tumors.  The fatigue from the kidney removal was hard enough then to have more surgery every 3 months.  I thought I'd never be myself again.  Then a year ago the tumors went from low grade to a more serious high grade and it was time to get on top of the demon, bladder cancer was in me to stay.  So we started the BCG Chemo treatments.  I just recently completed a year of treatments every 3 months and have now graduated to 6 months.  Bladder cancer is so invasive that a person is never in remission, we just treat it with the BCG as long as our bodies can tolerate it.  The side effects get worse over time.  I've now had 18 treatments and I'm praying I can tolerate it for a lot longer as it is something I will always have to be on top of.  My biggest fear is losing my bladder.  Yeah they have fake bladders and people do well with them, but it's not a simple transition and some people have a rough go of it.  I suppose attitude has a lot to do with it as well.

I am so blessed to have a wonderful husband - CR, family and friends who've prayed for me, sent me good vibes, checked in on me and held me up through a lot of difficult depressed times and bleak moments.  It's been a rough 2 years and now I need to focus on my health again and get 40 pounds off of my sedentary body.  If it isn't one thing it's another.  But now that I'm retired again I have more time to focus on getting the weight off and being healthy.  My goal is to get the weight off and build my strength so that in August when I have more chemo, I'm stronger, perhaps that will help with the side effects, if not, that's okay, I'll feel better physically and mentally for sure.

A lot of my blog friends have been there every step of the way and whether you've commented or not, please know I appreciate you and your prayers and kindness.

Happy Stitches and Hugs,
Tam

4 comments:

Jennifer said...

Tammy, now that you have retired (again....and for good this time, we hope!) it's time to focus on you. Take care of yourself, my friend, sending good thoughts your way.

Jennifer said...

Tammy, now that you have retired (again....and for good this time, we hope!) it's time to focus on you. Take care of yourself, my friend, sending good thoughts your way.

Jackie said...

Tammy, you've been a wonderful example of how to face adversity with grace, dignity and a positive attitude. You are amazing and I've convinced your positive attitude had a *lot* to do with it! x0x0

Lady of the Cloth said...

You have such a good attitude and are my inspiration. Good luck on healthy living.