I had RNY Weight Loss Surgery in June of 2010. I was convinced that I was ready to change my life and become a healthier and lighter version of me. I did great too. I had a good exercise routine and was getting my 10k steps a day on my pedometer. I was active, I felt so great and so alive. Then 6 months later something started going terribly wrong. I was very fatigued, well long story short it took another 2 months to get my cancer diagnosis and lose my kidney to the cancer. It took a year of surgery every 3 months to remove bladder tumors, then another year of chemo every 3 months. Horrible fatigue, depression and sometimes despair took over. I did my best to have humor and a good attitude, but alone with my own thoughts, there were some really rough times and a lot of what if's. With weight loss surgery the sweet spot is 18 months to lose weight. I stopped losing weight when I started feeling so bad and was so fatigued. I guess my sweet spot was only 6 months.
So, with 2 years of being so tired and depressed - I did what I've always and shamefully done. I ATE. I ate my way into gaining 50 pounds. Now I need to figure out how to take it off, one pound at a time, no easy answers and for a person whose had this surgery the max calories a day is 1000. I feel as if I'm in another fight for my life. I can't go back to where I was and I'm sort of afraid to move forward, but I must. I don't like being stuck and afraid like this.
My blog friends, my family, my friends - all of you were such huge supporters and cheerleaders in my weight loss and I've let you and myself down. It's hard to come clean about this dirty secret of mine, but it's the first step I'm taking to try to gain control of my life and health again. I hope you'll cheer me on and not think me the failure that I feel I am right now. What hurts the worst is how I've let CR down. He doesn't say anything, but I'm sure that he could, he's seen me go back to the bad habits of the past, he knows, yet he remains quiet and true to me, and far more forgiving of me than I am of myself.
|Feb of 2010 - my weight loss surgery was in June of 2010|
|Christmas of 2010 - I was wearing a size 12 jean and at my lowest weight and my weight loss has stopped.|
|Today, you can see it's a sad state of affairs, 50 pounds to fit into those size 12 jeans and to be healthy again.|
To add insult to injury, I'm currently in an aircast for my right foot. I know it's better than a surgical option, but didn't I just do this a couple of months ago for my left ankle. Ugh, sometimes everything feels so difficult.
Happy Stitches and Hugs,